Wounds
So … as you can see, I’m back to a rather stark design. Probably because I’m feeling rather stark myself today. Vulnerable. Raw.
I know why. Well, I think I know why. I know 2 reasons why I would be feeling this way. There may be more that I’m just not consciously aware of. The biggest reason, and the one that leaves me feeling so raw, is that one week from today it will be 2 years since my mother died. The longest 2 years of my life. How can you explain to people why it’s so difficult to move on? How can you explain to people the incredible closeness you shared with your mother unless they’ve had that same kind of relationship with their own mother? How can you convey to people why it is that life doesn’t make a whole lot of sense now, unless they’ve also lost three of the people they loved the very most in this world? And not just lost, but watched as they left this world. My sisters and I watched for years as Mom got closer and closer to death. That does something to you. But … how can you make people understand? Especially those who have lost a parent, but managed to pull themselves together and live their life as before? How did they do that?? And why can’t I?? And how can I make anyone understand that I’m not them, and they aren’t me?
I don’t know ….. as I said, I’m feeling stark. Those are my thoughts and feelings, laid bare for you all to see. Does it change anything?
I doubt it.
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It’s so hard to move on because of just THAT, Leigh! The closeness and the way in which you watched her suffer. You don’t have to explain anything!
I know exactly what you’re talking about. Watching my dear mum-in-law go through hell for more than 4 years before she died had a big affect on me. Put it this way…It didn’t make it any easier when she finally passed away.
The affect on you, my friend, must be HUGE!
One day, you will live your life as before. It’s just gonna take a bit longer because of perfectly good reasons.
{{{{{{{{understanding hugs}}}}}}}}}}
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