Reflection
It was a year ago today that I finally went to the doctor to find out why I was feeling so …. not me. At least that’s what my post from a year ago today says. I knew it was close to a year and, in fact, was thinking about that very thing early this morning. I can’t believe it’s been a year since my “meltdown”. It’s gone fast. It’s gone slow. It’s just … gone. It has been a year of hiding away and withdrawing from everything I could that caused me stress and anxiety. In some ways it has been heavenly. In other ways, it has been very unhealthy for me. I’ve become so accustomed to being alone that I find myself becoming anxious at the thought of “going back” to the world. I like the protection of my home and family, even though it can’t protect me from everything bad that happens. At least here I don’t have to “be” anything or anyone other than who I am, and I don’t have to wear any false faces. I know that eventually I am going to have to re-enter “the world”, but I’m not ready yet. I don’t know when I will be. I suppose this all makes me weak, which I hate more than anything, but I’ve come to realize that it was my constant striving to be “the strong one” which got me here in the first place. I have to recognize my own weaknesses and limitations …. only then will I truly be strong.
Wow … quite the reflective mood I’m in, huh. ;) I have to get ready to go to my Mom’s; ya’ll have a great day, k? And a great night, too. 
I know I will — my daughter’s Christmas program is tonight! Until next time ….
(((((huggles)))))
Oh, and P.S. –
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And THANK YOU to all of you who were concerned and asked about my headache. You’re just so sweet, and it means so much to me! As of right now, it’s feeling okay …. I was up at 5:30 this morning taking more Excedrin, but when I got up 2 hours later it was feeling better. I can feel it trying to return, but I’m going to ignore it. ;) Thank you again for sincerely caring! *mwah!*
December 18th, 2003 at 11:50 am
tell Mom hi for me… and enjoy every minute with her… I miss my Dad, and he hasn’e even been gone a day ^_^ He’ll be back! Love you, Lady!
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December 18th, 2003 at 1:12 pm
(((thinking of you Leigh))))
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December 18th, 2003 at 8:40 pm
Hmmm…it was about a year ago for me, too, that I realized I wasn’t feeling like me. One year, one wonderful doctor and some nice little pills, and I’m me again! Hopefully soon without the pills!
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December 18th, 2003 at 9:12 pm
I had no idea, Leigh, that you have been on such a journey. There were inklings here and there that you’ve been struggling with something.
Funny how we can become that which we despise (weak). I’m guilty of despising the same thing yet it rears its head quite frequently.
I’m going to go back and read your entry from a year ago so I can better understand where you’re coming from. I do wish with all my heart that you’ll continue to find strength and peace within yourself each day.
I suspect that you’re in good company with your feelings.
You, my dear, are a ray of sunshine in this world. Don’t ever forget that it, please.
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December 19th, 2003 at 2:49 am
Leslie has said it all. Believe in your own strength, your own beauty and let me add, the world is richer because you are in it.
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December 19th, 2003 at 8:34 am
Leslie … Michelle … you are both so precious. Thank you for being such wonderful friends. You have no idea how much your words mean to me. (((((group hug)))))
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December 19th, 2003 at 1:08 pm
My beautiful friend…you’ll come out of this even more beautiful than you were before.((((huggles)))) ;)
I was thinking about Miss Callie’s concert.
) I’m sure you all had a WONDERFUL time! 
Take care now Gorgeous!
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December 19th, 2003 at 1:38 pm
*hug* you’ve come a long way, baby. Hope you have a wonderful Christmas.
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December 19th, 2003 at 2:00 pm
Leigh You are in good company. Over a year ago my doctor put me on Zoloft against my better judgement. I would not tell anyone because I was afraid it would reflect a weakness in me. My friend BOB asked me a week later if I had changed medications. I asked him why he wanted to know? and he said “Because your attitude has changed 180 degrees” I was floored, I had no idea that I was as depressed as I was!! I stay on a low dose now, but Im not real sure I still need it, but I aint rocking no boat!!
Hang in there lady! This too shall pass!
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December 19th, 2003 at 2:48 pm
it doesn’t make you weak, Leigh. you need to do what needs to be done to take care of yourself. if that means a little more time, then so be it. nothing can be gained from forcing yourself to do something you’re not ready for. {{hugs}}
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