Some Things Never Change
It’s always me.
I’m the one who always says, “sure, that’s fine” …. “no, it’s not a problem” …. “don’t worry about it” …. “of course I can” …. “that’s okay” …. and the ever-present “yes” –
I really wish I could learn to change that.
I say yes when I want to say no. All that accomplishes is making me feel more resentful of others and disappointed in myself. I’m tired of feeling “put upon”. I’m tired of seeming to always be the last resort — the one who will do it when no one else can or wants to. But I have no one to blame but myself. I’ve allowed myself to be pigeon-holed in this role. I just wish I could find a way and be strong enough to take myself out of it.
Enough complaining. I’m off to do what I don’t want to do, but agreed to with a very convincing “no, that’s okay, I’ll do it”.
May 29th, 2003 at 10:21 am
This was me for the longest time. The thing that helped me was that I stopped saying Yes or No… I started saying; I’ll have to get back to you on that one. This allows the intesitiy of the moment to calm and then I ALWAYS get back to them; but it is easier to say “no” when you aren’t on the spot. - GOOD LUCK!
-d
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May 29th, 2003 at 11:21 am
I’m the same way. It’s so very difficult for me to say no, and when I *do* say no, I feel guilty and agonize over it for longer than I should. D’s advice is good, though… I’ll have to remember that!
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May 29th, 2003 at 11:38 am
wow, leigh~ we could be separated at birth!
i was actually thinking about posting something very similar to this the other day, but i didn’t want to seem selfish or anything….i mean, what if someone ‘out there’ in blogland needs something from me??
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May 29th, 2003 at 11:44 am
I used to do that too, and the guilt for saying no was so heavy. I am not sure what changed me, I guess I kinda got selfish and looked at it, “would you do the same for me?” I know maybe not the best way to look at things, but when you keep putting yourself out for someone who would not, makes it easier to say no. okay, I am rambling in your comment…(((hugs))) you are just a good soul.
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May 29th, 2003 at 11:46 am
I have done that too… and I’ve felt the anger afterwards, too… and I’ve felt the need to rebuild my real self after allowing people to chip away at the real me all day…
But the stronger the “real me” gets, the easier it becomes to say yes on my own terms.
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May 29th, 2003 at 12:47 pm
I think at some point we all go through the ‘phase’ where we realize “I honestly want to say no but don’t want to disappoint anyone …”
Do what is right for YOU Leigh, because that is not being selfish, it’s looking out for #1 & when we do that THEN we are able to take care of the ones we love even better … say no, trust me, the guilt factor after that first time diminishes quick when you realize just how good it felt to say no to something you really didn’t want to do to start with.
*BIG HUGS LEIGH*
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May 29th, 2003 at 7:43 pm
I like what D said too! But, ya know…the best way to stop people from taking advantage of your kind, thoughtful and gentle heart is to tread lightly. Just be wary of SOME individuals… the ones that have a tendency to use and abuse the kindness of your being. It’s okay to say “NO.” But, it’s not okay to say “yes” when you really mean “no.” Just messes one up inside. In the beginning, saying NO can bring on great anxiety. That’s okay! FEEL THE FEAR AND SAY NO ANYWAY! As you break the self-destructive habit of taking on more than you can comfortably handle, your body and mind will breathe a sigh of relief! Remember saying NO is not always a negative.
Good Luck Leigh!
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May 29th, 2003 at 10:35 pm
((hugs))
I am sorry
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