Yep, that’s what today was — a day to forget. It started out bad and got worse. I have a lot of thoughts and feelings rolling around inside of me. A lot of anger … at whom? I don’t know. I think maybe God. Its like … enough is enough, ya’ know? I’m at a point (have been for a while now) where I can’t handle anything anymore. Even the slightest little thing stresses me out to the max. And days like this … well … let’s just say my anxiety level is in the red. I feel like quite the failure. I can’t do anything for anyone anymore, and when I do, I don’t do it well … or so it seems. I try to be the best I can be, but it’s not good enough anymore. I can’t even fix me, let alone anyone or anything else. *sigh*

And now … it looks like my mother is going to be losing her caretaker. The timing couldn’t be worse! None of us are able to care for her like we did last year. That’s one of the things that got the 3 of us in the physical conditions we’re in right now. I don’t know what we’re going to do. This is a small town with very few good people to choose from, if any at all. We’re not going to trust her care to just anyone. Damn it! See, this is why I feel angry. I know God knows what’s going on. I know He knows we can’t take much more, and yet it keeps coming at us. I don’t know … I suppose somehow, some way, it will get taken care of. It will have to, won’t it, cuz it sure isn’t going to just go away! Despite all my prayers.

So tomorrow I see my doctor again. My oldest sister also sees the cardiologist tomorrow. It’s her birthday, too. Some way to spend your birthday, huh? I sure hope he can give her a difinitive diagnosis of what happened/is happening to her! Kelly sees her cardiologist again next week. Positive vibes and good thoughts would be much appreciated!

Damn, my eye is twitching. Every time I’m extremely stressed, my eye starts twitching. It’s just so much fun. Well, I think I’ve bitched and complained long enough. My apologies.