I found this tonight on a web site and couldn’t believe my eyes as I read it. It’s my husband to a “T”!!
THE TOXIC MAN
The “Demand” Man
Feels entitled, ask for more than he gives back. Feels like you “owe” him. Exaggerates and overvalues his own contributions. Keeps a “mental list” of everything hes ever done and wants constant payback for them. Thinks he is owed tremendous gratitude for meeting the ordinary responsibilities of every day life (and takes your contribution for granted).
When he is generous and giving to you - its only to prove to himself , and others, that he is a good person. If you need something he accuses you of being self-centered and he tells everybody how selfish and ungrateful you are, and acts hurt because of all hes done for you. He gets furious if anything is demanded of him and switches it back to being about him.
Mr. Right (Arrogant)
Is an expert at everything. Talks in a condescending voice and acts like you are are an imbecile incapable of taking care of yourself.
Emits an air of superiority!
Any conflict is a clash between right and wrong - intelligence and stupidity - him being right, of course, and you being wrong.
He twists anything you say to make it sound wrong. Everybody is stupid to this person, as he is so certain of his own supreme intelligence. If you argue with him he will take it as a sign of your own ignorance and foolishness.
His partner will end up questioning their own intelligence.
He not only knows all the answers to everything, he tells you that how you run your own life is wrong. He knows ALL your faults. Mr. Right delights in correcting you in front of others (to point out his own intelligence).
He punishes you for having your own mind.
He imposes his beliefs and opinions, caring little about considering yours.
The Victim (Poor Me!)
Life has treated him unfair.
Victims not only exhibit anger with their exes, but also DISRESPECT and CONTEMPT. Warning signs should be heeded when a man blames his exes for the entire demise of their relationship. Even if he admits to some wrong-doing on his part (”I cheated on her, but…”) he blames it on her saying her evil ways drove him to do it. She is always the reason why he did something wrong. He takes no responsibility for any bad in his relationships! Most victims will claim that their exes were abusive, when in reality he was the abusive one. Most victims claim that their exes were controlling or wanted to wear the pants and be in power. Spoiled , demanding princesses.
Be warned, this is how he will describe you, should your relationship reach an end!
He is all about him, poor poor him, and he wraps himself up in self-pity, licking his imagined wounds, and tries to get other family, friends, and even the kids, to feel sorry for him. He claims no one understands him, and he may appear to assume the blame, but, in reality, he feels totally blameless. He can easily convince others that you are cruel, controlling, abusive, mean, angry, etc., and he is so wonderful and wounded.
He can mirror troubles and issues, easily reversing them to be the issues belonging to that of his partner. Whatever you see wrong in him, is the exact thing he claims is wrong with you! “No, youre the one who…”
Victims are prone to depression, which is the same as getting caught up in self-pity - the poor-me mode. Victims feel so victimized at times that they become insomniac, anxiety ridden, antisocial, and even suicidal. They do not see reality, but distort it to be cruel. Victims become bitter, resentful, and vengeful.
Abusive victims often assume the mantle of victimhood and martyrhood. Acting the eternal victim allows them to garner sympathy and support, abuse their victims by proxy, and still feel morally superior.
The Narcissistic Abuser
Quite highly distorted self-image. They are unable to accept the fact that they might have flaws or faults, and therefore are unable to imagine how other perceive them. In public Narcissistic men are charming and confident. In private they are nasty and dismissive. Clues to the presence of this include:
1.your partners self-centeredness is severe, and it carries over into situations that don’t involve you
2.he seems to relate everything back to himself
3.he is outraged whenever anyone criticizes him and is incapable of considering that he could ever be anything other than kind and generous
4.he becomes hypervigilant to any negative words that others might use
Nothing is ever his fault. He blames something or someone for anything that goes wrong. As time goes by, the target of his blame increasingly becomes you. This style of man also tends to make promises that he doesnt keep, coming up with excuses for disappointing you or behaving irresponsibly and perhaps taking serious economic advantage of you in the process.
He is self-centered, and feels he does a lot more than he actually does. He takes more than his share of the conversation, turning every subject back around to him. He listens poorly when you speak, and chronically shifts the topic of conversation back to himself. Self-centeredness is a personality characteristic that is highly resistant to change, as it has deep roots in either profound entitlement (in abusers) or severe early emotional injuries (in non-abusers), or both (in narcissistic abusers).
He treats you like gold when anyone is watching, is angry with you and bitter and spiteful when no one else is around to see.
Tries to turn you against your family, friends, and even your children, especially if the children are from a previous relationship and theyre not his children.
Narcissistic men are highly resistant to change, as their inflated ego makes it difficult for them to see their real selves.
Narcissists are addicted to narcissistic supply (attention, admiration, adulation, being feared, etc.). They dont take well to criticism and disagreement. They are easily slighted and develop narcissistic injuries. The narcissism reacts with narcissistic rage, hatred, aggression, or violence to an infringement of what he perceives to be his entitlement. Any insinuation; hint; intimation; or direct declaration that the narcissism is not special at all, that he is average; common; wrong; imperfect; or not even sufficiently idiosyncratic to warrant a fleeting interest will inflame the narcissism.
Narcissist often become abusive when faced with insults or derogatory remarks about their person. In most people abuse is bred by fear fear of being mocked or betrayed, emotional insecurity, anxiety, panic, and apprehension - but in the NPD man, abuse is triggered by the very thought of facing the fact that they are imperfect. This fear can be exaggerated when they are with someone who knows them well, and can logically point out their imperfections in a realistic and truthful way. It is a last ditch effort to maintain their delusions of grandeur that the NPD man may become physically abusive toward any individual who may provoke them by relating personal insults against their character based on facts. The NPD man will often choose to not associate with anyone who has uncovered or exposed the NPDs true less-than-perfect self.
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Toxic Men are notorious for turning and twisting grievances about them into them being the hero and you being the one at fault. There is no arguing with a Toxic Man because he sees arguments as wars and he has to be the winner. There can be no mutually happy solution to any disagreement - one where both parties walk away feeling heard and feeling like their needs were met and understood. Oh no! This is war and only he can win. There can be NOTHING wrong with him, and he must make you KNOW THAT! He can twist and insult and psychologically stage a verbal assault on you that will leave you wishing for a quick and painless death.
I could NOT believe how much this sounds like him! He’s even said some of those EXACT things to me! Funny thing (funny weird, not funny haha) is that very recently I told him he was toxic. And boy is he! His girlfriend is in for such a shock!!
I know, long time huh! I just want to thank those of you who left comments to my last post. They really touched my heart and even gave me strength. You people are absolutely the best! ((((((HUGGGG))))))
