Recently in Rants and Rambles Category

We've been test driving vehicles the past couple of days. A new car is way overdue. Well, a new used car, that is. ;) This is different than any other time we've gone car shopping, though. This time we have to remain very cognizant of gas prices while looking. I noticed the price of gas shot up here again the other day. If I remember correctly, it's $3.45 a gallon now. What is it where you live? Have gas prices infringed on the way you live your life at all? I read somewhere once that we should all count our lucky stars, because in the UK gas is like $11.00 a gallon! (is that true, John?) Wow. Kind of amazing they drive as much as they do. But then again, they don't pay for health care. That's where their gas money goes. So which is better? Paying an outrageous price for gas and having free health care, or low gas prices and paying for your own health care? Of course, here in the U.S. we're doing both -- high gas prices AND health care. It sucks.

ANYway ... I don't know how I got off on that tangent. LOL If you were to get the new used car you want, what would it be?

New Cars, Gas Prices, Health Care

Today I find myself completely torked off at bad parents. Especially bad mothers! I swear, some people should NEVER be allowed to bear children!! And then there are those who would be absolutely outstanding parents and cannot have children. I tell ya', there's simply no justice in the natural world. ANYway, getting back to the subject of the day, take this gem of a mother who wanted her new wedding dress so badly that she offered her 4 year old as collateral - several times!! Thankfully her 2 children were taken away from her, hopefully NEVER to return!

Next, right here in Colorado we have this poor excuse for a human who calls herself a mother, giving her 17 month old baby red wine - because he "likes it"!! Riiiight. Yeah, well, apparently "Mom" was quoted as saying she was "super busy" and that the child had "gotten into her wine" while they were at their home in Erie. Uh huh. But of course! I mean, what 17 month old baby doesn't get the wine out, uncork it and down the whole bottle! The poor child had a blood alcohol level of .195 percent!!

"(For him) not to be comatose at that stage, maybe (he) would of had to have a tolerance," said Denver Health emergency room physician Kerry Broderick.

Broderick said the boy must have been in severe distress.

"That's hard to imagine that the child wouldn't be comatose," said Broderick. "I'll have adults with blood alcohol levels of .195 and lots of times they are totally unconscious."

It's just a damn shame - not to mention a piss poor law - that she's only being charged with a misdemeanor! Boulder County Social Services say they will follow up. Gee, that's comforting. NOT!

Then, last but not least, there's the former superstar couple of Alec Baldwin and Kim Basinger. They separated in 2000, but for some ridiculous reason didn't come up with their joint custody agreement for their daughter, Ireland, until FIVE YEARS later! Well, it seems Kimmie has gotten herself into a little hot water.

The actors agreed last year to joint custody of their 10-year-old daughter, Ireland, who lives with Basinger. Baldwin is permitted extra visits when Basinger is away from home without her daughter.

However, his court papers allege that in 2005, Basinger ignored court orders and did not let Baldwin know she would be out of town working so that he could take care of Ireland until she returned.

"She even admits she was gone, what she won't say is how long she was gone," Baldwin attorney Vicki J. Greene argued during the two-hour hearing.

Basinger attorney Judy Bogen unsuccessfully argued that there was insufficient evidence to back up the allegations and the trial, scheduled for Feb. 16, should not proceed.

Nelson ordered Basinger's lawyer to provide Baldwin with some documents showing where Basinger traveled without her daughter since September 2005.

Oh.My.God. These are two supposedly grown-up people who are supposedly intelligent, fighting in court over that??!! You mean to tell me that after SIX YEARS of separation (and ultimate divorce), they're still fighting??? The whole thing is absurd, and cruel to their daughter! You don't think she's going to read about this in the newspaper, hear about it on TV or at school? You think she's gonna be lovin' it that Daddy put Mommy in jail?? This isn't about the child - this is about their EGOS! They're simply playing tit-for-tat, who can get the better of whom, who can one-up the other first, and it makes me SICK! We already know, just from his behavior the other day in New York when Cory Lidle's plane crashed into the building, that Alec Baldwin only cares about Alec Baldwin! He didn't care about a plane crash - he wanted to get where he was going, and a stupid cop standing in front of yellow crime scene tape wasn't gonna stop him! Well, for the sake of how their daughter grows up, I hope THEY grow up - SOON!!

That concludes this Friday's rant. You will now be returned to your regularly scheduled blogging. Oh, and Happy Friday the 13th! In honor of the 13th, I leave you with a joke:

When a black cat crosses your path, what does it mean?

Ah yes, color me blue.

Two weeks ago I went with my Mother and her home health care worker to the doctor's office for her appointment; now she is completely unable to make her appt. tomorrow. In just 2 weeks' time, it has become almost impossible for her to even walk around her house, let alone go out to the doctor's office. It's all happening so fast .... it's positively dizzying.

I've been so tired the last few days. In trying to figure out why, it dawned on me that I must be depressed. I'm avoiding big time, and feel like sleeping all the time. I don't, but I feel like it. Sometimes I do fall asleep if I sit down long enough in my chair. I do things to keep my mind from wandering to the brutal reality trying to catch my glance. I don't want to think about it. I don't want to face it. It's all just ..... too scary. I don't know if I'm strong enough anymore. I don't know if I want to be. I want to go back in time. I want my Mama back, the way she used to be. I just ..... want "overs". I wish we could get overs. Do you remember overs? When you were playing a game as a kid? I remember having to holler out "no overs!" before the game began if you didn't want anyone getting a second chance to win. I guess God hollered out "no overs" , didn't He. Too bad.

Ah yes .... color me blue.

Sometimes I get into a very self-analyzing state of mind; today/tonight is one of those times. Most of the time I know exactly what the catalyst was which threw me into that deep-thinking area of my crowded brain, but this time I do not. I have no idea. I just ..... started thinking. It began when I went to bed last night -- or should I say this morning? After all, it was 3:00 a.m. But anyway, I couldn't get to sleep right away, so naturally my mind started racing with thoughts. I don't know why, but I began thinking about my birthday in a couple of months. I will be 46 years old. I found myself thinking the typical "where has all the time gone?" sort of thoughts, and the "I sure don't feel that old" thoughts; then I said to myself, "Wait a minute, stop and think about that for minute. Think about everything you've done, seen, felt, experienced ..... then you'll realize more fully how you can be 46 years old". So I obeyed myself like a good girl and thought about those things. Something I came to realize which made me do a "hmmmm" and a "wow, that's interesting", was that every time I have experienced emotional trauma, I have been alone. Every.single.time. Either literally alone, or alone in the sense that it was solely my responsibility to handle the situation I found myself in. So of course I immediately began analyzing that little tidbit of enlightenment, because that's what I do -- try to figure out what cannot possibly be figured out. I like to torture myself that way. ;) During my self-therapy session (which is VERY expensive, btw *lol*), I found myself wondering if that newly-realized fact might have something to do with why I have withdrawn so much from the world. I am cognizant of the fact that I feel fearful of what is coming next; of what will happen if I am "out there" too much (pathetic, huh) , and now I think I've discovered why. It makes perfect sense to me.

Now all I have to do is figure out how to "fix" it. ;)

I've been thinking about a couple'a things over the last day or two. I haven't seen anyone (of who I read, anyway) mention this whole Michael Jackson thing yet, so I'm just gonna jump in with both feet. I don't know if he is guilty or not; I do feel, however, that after the previous allegations of almost a decade ago, the Santa Barbara authorities would not again bring allegations against him if they did not have some pretty powerful evidence. They'd be stupid to. I also believe that if Michael is, indeed, guilty of these acts, he truly believes he is innocent, and that everything he has done was done in a loving and tender way, and finds nothing wrong with it. After all, we're all capable of rationalizing anything and making ourselves believe it, aren't we. If true, it's just so horrible .... and sad.

Secondly, I have to applaud the Massachusetts' court which ruled "the state's ban on same-sex marriage is unconstitutional". Good for them! I saw a Mass. lawmaker on the news giving a statement after the ruling was announced, saying that he and others will fight it, citing that "marriage is between a man and a woman". Hmmm ... now where do you s'pose he got that? Maybeeee ... the Bible? Religious training?? Okay, let me get this straight:

Our children can't pray in school
They're considering taking "under God" out of the Pledge of Allegiance
School Christmas programs cannot have religious songs in them
Nativity scenes cannot be displayed on school or government grounds
A judge has been removed from office for placing The Ten Commandments in a government building

etc., etc.

BUT ... government CAN cite the Bible and its contents or things learned within the context of religious training when it suits them. Ohhhh, I see how it works now. NOT! Make up your mind boys and girls - either there's a separation of Church and State or there's not. You can't have it both ways!!!

That's all. ;)

This entry is bound to be disjointed at best, so please bear with me.

I was reading through my old poetry today. Yes, I am a poet, although you probably would not know that since I have not posted my poetry here. One reason for that, which I discovered while reading today, is that I have not written anything new since last November. It's been a whole year. My muse gagged, my pen dry, nothing comes. What struck me the most was that everything I was writing about a year ago -- even a year and a half ago -- are all the same feelings I am still experiencing today. That is really sad to me. My ... "meltdown" ... or whatever you want to call it ... came in December. In reading my poetry leading up to that time, I can see so clearly the signs that it was coming, but was blinded to it then. Isn't that the way it always goes? 20/20 hindsight and all that? I obviously did not know what to do about what I was feeling then, and I still don't. I feel as though I have been frozen in my footsteps, unable to move in any direction; or perhaps unwilling to move in any direction. I'm not sure. Maybe I have painted myself into this corner of "being" which, while uncomfortable, is utterly familiar and am quite hesitant to step out of. Or perhaps I've been forced into this corner by circumstance and expectation, and am too cowardly to leave. I don't know. Do you think anyone knows? I think I should find out. And I think I should find a way to free the whispers of my soul if I am to survive. Sound dramatic? It is. It really is. It's like suffocating. I have to find a way to breathe.

Until then, I will share with you a piece I wrote in August of last year; a piece which still holds so very true for me today:

Ohhh man .... why do teachers give so much homework??? I think it's totally wrong to do that! Kids go to school for 7 hours every day, then have to come home to even more hours of homework. No wonder they get burned-out and start hating school!

I just got finished helping my daughter with her homework -- 2 hours' worth -- nonstop. And she's only in 5th grade, for pete's sake! In the middle of it she said, "I hate school!", which is so unlike her; she's always loved school. What are these teachers doing?? Geez!!! Frankly, I don't see how that much homework benefits the child. After a while, they do it without even thinking or caring. And that's good teaching, eh? BAH!!!!

Hmmm .... I've stopped receiving email notifications of comments left here. I wonder if it has anything to do with the implementation of the MT-Blacklist plugin yesterday. *pondering*

I was reminded this morning of something I saw while both my mother and niece were in the hospital. It was right after Nevaeh was born and we were standing in front of the nursery window staring at her Ooooing and Awwwing and giggling and laughing -- I heard a kind of "clinking" noise .... like the sound of chains. I turned my head to see what it was, and there, walking in the corridor, was an armed guard with an inmate from the prison who had obviously had surgery. He was shackled at the ankles, and that was the clinking I heard. It made me feel really uncomfortable. There should either be a section of the hospital for prison inmates, or the DOC should spring for an infirmary with the equipment and personnel needed for minor to midline surgeries. I just think it is totally uncool to have prisoners walking the halls and staying in rooms with the general public, despite the fact that they have an armed guard with them at all times. That, in itself, is unsettling. The County just recently built a new Justice Center here because the old Courthouse incorporated all county business, including County and District Court, and the public as well as City and County government felt it was unsafe for prison inmates to be in such close proximity with the general public, especially after a few of them had tried to make "a break for it", running through the halls and down the stairs right past citizens going about their business. So if that was unacceptable, why is it okay to have them right there in the hospital with all other sick people? Just because they're sick doesn't mean they're no longer dangerous. I mean, we have some real bad guys in that prison! And who wants to be walking down the hospital corridor when you're sick and have someone walk past you with an armed guard and shackles?? I don't! But .... maybe that's just me.

Hi Everyone :)

First of all, I want to thank you all from the bottom of my heart (or as my sister would say, "from the heart of my bottom" lol) for your incredible show of support, love and friendship. You have no idea how much it means to me! It's like a breath of fresh air after a smothering day. THANK YOU! ((((huggg)))

I've had a very frustrating time, especially today. I was home most of the afternoon, but could not find the words to post here amid all of my opposing thoughts. I waffled all day between so many powerful emotions and feelings, some of which are current and some of which are old ones revived by the current situation. Does that make any sense?? I don't feel that I can articulate here all that I am thinking ..... they are things I cannot say out loud to anyone but my husband for fear of sounding selfish and self-indulgent. I already feel guilty enough as it is. I know this all sounds more than a little convoluted, for which I apologize, but it is something I needed to "get out", even if veiled under less than difinitive description. Suffice it to say that the weight is heavy, and I cannot help but feel it is all but expected that I carry it alone. Life is a mitigating factor ..... for everyone but me.

I've said enough.

Thank you, once again, for being there to "listen" when my confused soul wishes to speak. You are truly gems within fields of stone!

(((((((everyone)))))))

Good Morning :)

Wow, what a great day to watch morning television! Sting sang for us on the "Toyota Concert Series on Today". He was awesome! He was supposed to sing only 2 songs, but ended up singing 4 of them. Very cool.

Another thing I find extremely interesting, in a sickening sort of way .....

I am SO ANGRY right now, I can't even see straight!! Okay, let me start at the beginning:

I went outside a little earlier to sit on my porch (you know how I am about sitting on my porch *grin*). Well, I heard these voices .... I could tell they were female voices, but that's all -- at first. Then one of them got louder and louder, until she was yelling and hollering, and she was sobbing at the same time and saying something about hating Nathan. So I watched. And listened. They got to the corner across the street from my corner, and turned right. Then all of sudden, 3 males walk out of the alley (you know, the infamous alley?) and started running after the girls. They caught up to them when they were in front of the house next to the corner house, and they happened to have their very bright porch light on, so I could see really well. So anyway, I walked down my sidewalk and kind of hid behind my big lilac bush and watched them. The sobbing girl was sitting on the ground, and was still being very loud. Oh, I forgot to tell you that when the boys caught up to the girls, the one who was crying apparently was startled and screamed at the top of her lungs!. The boys were shushing her and telling her to be quiet, and then she tried to stand up, but fell down. It took two of them to get her up! She was sooo wasted! So what did I do? I ran back to the house and told Hubby to hand me my cell phone, and I called the cops! So I'm talking to the police dispatcher telling her in which direction these kids are going, and I mention that they came from down the alley (and gave her directions) and told her that there is a drug dealer living there and there are all kinds of people going in and out of there at all times of the day and night! Know what she said? NOTHING! She just asked me again in which direction the kids were walking and said thank you, and hung up!!!

Okay, so FINALLY the cop car comes and I watch them go down the street, and I'm thinkin' they'll probably go around the block and I can stop them when they go by my house. And they did. So I'm running out into the street to flag them down, and the minute she opens her car door the attitude is showing: