Thoughtprints: Conflicted

I just looked outside a little bit ago and it's snowing again. It's so lovely when it falls, isn't it? Have you ever noticed the quiet of snow? I'll try to remember to add a poem I wrote several years ago to the end of this post. It's about the quiet of snow - something I've always noticed and loved. It is so utterly peaceful.

Anyway ... I've been having some powerful dreams lately. The past few nights they've all had the same two themes running through them, even though everything around me is drastically different. My mother's presence has been in them all. I remember seeing her in only one. It wasn't happy because I had let her down in some way and I was feeling rather devastated. The other recurring theme is one I'm not ready to talk about. If ever. It's both troubling and wonderful at the same time. Leaves me feeling very conflicted. So what's new, eh?

Over there on the right in the sidebar is a heading titled "On Days Past", and below it is listed an entry I did on the same day in the past. The other day it was a post from 2004 in which I talked about having spent the day before with my Mom and how we always had a nice time together because we never lacked for anything to say to each other. And we didn't - we always would just talk and talk and talk. It was so nice. So familiar, and comfortable and enjoyable. At first I smiled while reading it, then realized it was written just 3 months before she passed away. That sent me into kind of a tailspin. How can things change so fast? How can we go from visiting one day to ... well, to her being gone? It scares me. At once I am both thankful for that day and left immensely wanting for those times again. Talk about conflicted, huh? I miss her so much.

Today is my Grandmother's birthday. She passed away almost 16 years ago. She would have been 106 years old. Happy Birthday, Grandma! Three days ago it was my big sister's birthday. Happy Belated Birthday, my wonderful sister! Two days ago it was my oldest friend's birthday (we met when we were 2 years old at our babysitter's house!). Even though we don't talk often or see each other much, it's as if we haven't lost any time at all when we do get together. Happy Belated Birthday, Kim!

I better stop for now. You guys have a happy day, okay? Make it count! :)

Oh geez, I forgot to post the poem! I had to come back to do it. LOL Here it is:

Quiet of Snow

Stepping outside,
I was immediately embraced by the
Unmistakable quiet of snow.
As if reading my needs,
It had come in the cover of darkness,
Comforting my saddened heart,
Silencing the echoes of its frightened chambers.
Turning my gaze upward, I saw the mighty elm,
Silhouetted against a snow-lit sky,
Its strong arms reaching out,
Catching graceful dancers as they
Completed their slow-motion fall from the sky,
Becoming one with the earth.
Not even the slightest breeze could be
Felt against my cold-flushed cheeks;
A lonely train whistle blowing in the distance,
Heralding the arrival of landscape's pristine quilting,
The only sound.
White upon dark,
Clean upon soiled,
A true miracle of nature,
Bringing with it the message of hope,
Sparkling from each intricate flake,
Transforming as they kissed my face,
Melting into angel's tears filled with heaven's light,
Replacing heartfelt tears, my own,
Gratefully absorbed by spirit thirsting,
Peace and rest, at last, had come.