Another of Life's Tragic Reminders

Do you ever think about how life can turn on a dime? Do you ever marvel at how fragile this thing called life is? If you don't, don't feel bad. I don't think many of us spend much time pondering such things, as doing so causes us to think about our own mortality, which is not a popular subject. But sometimes ... life itself forces us to take a hard look.

With the County Fair in full swing, you'll hear most people around town talking about the tractor pull, the rodeo, the night show, the demolition derby and, of course, the beer garden. The beer garden is run by the local chapter of the Jaycees every year. That, and the demolition derby, earn enough money to fund them for the whole year. Those two events are big money-makers. More people attend the demolition derby every year than they do any other event during the Fair, and the beer garden is always full. Just as it was last night.

There were a couple of guys who had imbibed a bit too much - in fact, it was a lot too much - so the Jaycee staff who were on duty in the garden told them to leave. From what I hear, it wasn't very cordial. The two who were asked to leave were none too happy about it. In fact, they were pretty angry. The staff did not think to call over any of the law enforcement officers who practically live at the fairgrounds for the duration; nor did they think to take any keys. The two men left angry, got in a pickup truck in the parking area and sped away. They got one block from the fairgrounds and tried to take a corner going way too fast. Tragically, they missed the turn, hit a pole, and flipped end-over-end, landing in a resident's yard. The driver was ejected. He was dead.

His name was Stephen Mari. His father is best friends with the neighbor directly across the street from us, and is very friendly with my husband, as well. His mother has worked for our chiropractor for years and years and, in fact, babysat our boys for us in 1988 when my father died and Tony had to pick me up at the airport in Denver when I returned to Colorado. It was during Fair time. She and Frank took the boys to the Fair to help keep them entertained during our absence. And now, their "little" boy is gone. Granted, Stephen was almost 30, but we parents know that our children are our forever "babies".

My neighbor called this morning and told me the news. I called him back this evening to find out if he and his wife had gone over to Frank and Linda's house as planned. They had. He couldn't even find the words to describe how utterly and completely devastated Frank and Linda are. My heart and soul are bleeding for them. I can't even imagine. I don't want to imagine.

My thoughts have turned to the liability in this tragic event. Should the Jaycees be held at least partly accountable for allowing two very obviously inebriated individuals to leave the Beer Garden without notifying law enforcement, or at least seeking their assistance??? Bars are regulated with regard to such things; wouldn't they be held to the same standard? I don't know. If not, they should be. That place is ALWAYS jam-packed with people! There has to be some form of responsibility, doesn't there? *sigh*

Then my anger turns to anguish when I, once again, turn my thoughts to Frank and Linda and their daughter, Stephanie. My prayers are with them, and for them. If only we could turn back the hands of time, even if for just a few hours.

Please ... NEVER drink and drive, and NEVER let anyone you know drink and drive!

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Posted by Leigh on August 13, 2005 9:17 PM |

Thoughts from others

I'm so sorry.

Just last week our small town lost 2 young ladies- 21 and 17 yrs old, both were young mothers. (children weren't in the car with them when the wreck happened). Authorities haven't determined the cause other than hitting a tree in a convertible mustang.

My sister and I were discussing - how you do you wrap their minds around the reality that it takes one second- just one - for something 'undo-able' to happen. How do you make them understand the finality that can happen so quickly.
As parents, husbands, wives- one thought will crash through our brains 20 times a day every day for the rest of our lives- "if we could just go back to a few minutes before...."

But you can't. ....it's undo-able.

I will keep his family and yours in my prayers.

Posted by: 2withspirit Author Profile Page | August 13, 2005 10:55 PM

Honey I'm sorry for everyone who lost their loved one in this incident, but why are we so quick to blame everyone but those responsible? It's not the Jaycees fault that these young men (as so many of us do) chose to get drunk in public. It's not the Jaycees responsibility to arrange for rides for them -- how were they to know they were driving? They were told to leave the beer garden area, not to get in their car and drive recklessly.

The Jaycees were probably trying to be cool and not get the young men arrested, and just asked them to leave the area.

I'm sorry the guy is dead, but it is no one's fault but his own. A tragic accident, but one that resulted from the series of decisions he made that night.

We've all had nights of making bad decisions, haven't we? I sure have. I would be horrified if something happened because of a bad decision I made, and those I left behind tried to blame other people for MY actions.

Posted by: Drunken Lagomorph Author Profile Page | August 13, 2005 11:28 PM

Just to clarify, I'm not trying to be snotty or to be down on the poor young man who lost his life. I'm not judging him at all.

It's just that we should all be responsible for our own actions. We all know what behavior is illegal, unhealthy, or even dangerous. If we choose to do it anyway, we must hold only ourselves responsible.

I'm sorry your family friend died. :(

Posted by: Drunken Lagomorph Author Profile Page | August 13, 2005 11:32 PM

I agree with you Lagomorph - in fact, in my post I said "Should the Jaycees be held at least partly accountable for allowing two very obviously inebriated individuals to leave the Beer Garden without notifying law enforcement, or at least seeking their assistance??? Bars are regulated with regard to such things; wouldn't they be held to the same standard?" I don't place the blame solely on the Jaycees - far from it. It was Stephen's decision to get behind the wheel and drive recklessly, causing the accident - BUT - bars are held responsible to a certain degree for not cutting off customers before they get totally trashed and then leaving their establishment only to end up causing a fatal accident. It has been held up in courts before. I just think there's going to be some major discussion within the community and the City's powers-that-be as to if the Beer Garden should continue to function "as is", or if changes need to be made. At the very least I believe the Jaycee staff had a responsibility to the community to inform law enforcement there at the fairgrounds that 2 individuals were leaving who were extremely drunk. They could have then watched them to see if they were going to drive. Is that really too much to ask? And isn't that law enforcement's job, anyway?

I know you're not being snotty. You're free to voice your opinion here anytime, my friend, you know that. :)

Posted by: Leigh Author Profile Page | August 13, 2005 11:44 PM

First of all I pray for the family for the tragic loss of their beloved son.
I was a bartender for 17 years. It was my duty to keep people happy and to control the crowd and their drinking. When it is busy with hundreds of people it is hard to keep track of who is drinking what and how many. When a person gets to the point of total drunkeness you have to cut them off and get them off of the premises. Yes, I agree that they should have told the police, but then I also agree that they were probably trying to keep the guy from getting arrested. Who knows.
You cannot think what-ifs. You can drive yourself crazy over what-ifs. The fact is, the guy was responsible for drinking what he drank. It is a shame he had to die over his addiction. Sometimes people die for others to see what can happen to them. I am one of the lucky ones that got sober after 20 years of hard drinking. It could have been me many times!! It is a miracle that I did not hurt or kill anyone during my selfish drinking sprees. I thank the Lord every day for my 18 years of sobriety and pray for the ones that still need to come to the halls of AA. I also pray with all my heart to the ones that tragically get killed because they drank too much. How horrible sad.
My condolences to you and his family!

Posted by: Phyllis Author Profile Page | August 14, 2005 2:02 PM

That is a tough one. THe person who drank too much should be responsible for his own stupid actions. THe bartender or waitress should be responsible for over serving, the Jaycees should most definately be held responsible for sending them on their way without notifiying the cops. But to what extent should the liability be? If the survivors sued should they get a reward for the dead persons stupid judgement? No. THey should not. Nor should his insurance pay the survivors either, because he made a stupid choice. the jaycees should be FINED and the money spent on informing the public on the consequences of driving drunk. ANd the fair grounds should post warnings all over about the danger.

So SAd!!

Posted by: Mary Lou Author Profile Page | August 14, 2005 9:12 PM

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