Thank you SO MUCH!
There are no words which could begin to convey my gratitude for the thoughtfulness, love, friendship and support you've shown me since my Mother's death. I wouldn't even know how to describe the comfort your words have given me. It's been .... phenomenal. You've lifted me up and helped to carry me through these most difficult days .... hours .... minutes. I wish so much that you all were here so I could give you a huge hug and a personal THANK YOU. I love each and every one of you!
She died only 2 days ago, but it feels like much, much longer. This journey my sisters and I have embarked upon changes, it seems, with every breath we take. At times it is relatively smooth sailing; in the next instant we are dreadfully sick from such rough seas, only to find ourselves in the next minute madly bailing to keep from completely sinking; then suddenly, once again, all is calm. An interesting journey, to be sure. Not one I recommend, nor wish to repeat.
We made all the arrangements for Mom's memorial service today. I think we have planned something which will be almost as beautiful as she was. I hope she looks down on that day and is well-pleased, and I hope she sees how very, very proud of her we are.
Tonight the phone rang at 10:30. Without thinking, my first reaction was, "Uh oh, it's late - it must be the nursing home calling", and I felt a knot in my stomach as I became fearful of what was happening with Mom. Then it hit me that she isn't there anymore. I felt mixed emotions at that realization. I was immediately heartbroken that she isn't here anymore, but was simultaneously relieved at remembering she was no longer suffering, and that I no longer have to fear what she is having to endure. It was a very strange sensation, to say the least.
My oldest son, Ryan, asked me late Saturday night how long I had waited before calling him to tell him that Grandma had passed. I told him it had been about 20 minutes, to which he replied, "You're kidding me". When I asked what he meant by that, he said that it had been 20 minutes before I called that he had felt a tremendous chill go through him, and had thought at that moment that something had happened to her. I wasn't surprised. He and my Mother were very close. He was her first grandchild, and he always held a special place in her heart, even though she never, ever would have admitted in a million years that she had a "favorite" grandchild. ;) I think what he experienced is very special.
I'm so tired. I think I'll try to get some sleep. I know you'll forgive me for not replying to your emails right away. Just please remember how very much you all mean to me, and how thankful I am for each and every one of you! Thank you for EVERYTHING!
((((((HUGE HUGS))))))
Thoughts from others
You will find humor in the oddest things, and then laugh and cry at the same time. This greif is so different from anything you have ever known before. But trust me it goes away. I will be thinking of you often. (hugs)
Posted by: Mary Lou | April 27, 2004 12:57 AM
Posted by: Kirsi | April 27, 2004 1:41 AM
I jsut wanted to take a moment and share my thoughts on why i lvoe you so much:)
We ahve been friends now for...two years, it amazes me that time goes by so fast. You have been such a supportive, loving, giving friend. You have been so important thru alot of trying times for me, and you have always been there for me, and i know for many others! You are one of my dearest friends... Know you are loved by so many Leigh, each and every day...
I am so thankful for you in my life.
your mom raised a very special soul in you:) and i know more than just me is thankful for that!
always, min
Posted by: madpoet | April 27, 2004 6:21 AM
Interesting experience for your son -- there's no denying the connection two people have who love each other very much. I imagine it gave him some comfort.
I'm glad you have sisters and others around you for comfort.
Posted by: Leslie | April 27, 2004 8:53 AM
Posted by: Todd | April 27, 2004 12:20 PM
Cas
Posted by: cassie-b | April 27, 2004 3:02 PM
Posted by: Shamus | April 27, 2004 4:11 PM
Posted by: BoBo | April 27, 2004 4:58 PM
The beauty of your mother's memory will give you and your family the strength, peace and hope you all need at this difficult time. She will absolutely LOVE the memorial service you and your sisters have organized to celebrate her life. ;) I know it'll be more beautiful than I could ever imagine.
Posted by: Debbie | April 27, 2004 9:30 PM
Posted by: Michelle | April 28, 2004 1:04 PM
I can't even find the words to tell you how sorry I am about your family's loss... if you need anything, I'm here... xoxoxox!!!
Posted by: Liz | April 28, 2004 2:24 PM
Posted by: Rachel in Alaska | April 28, 2004 6:48 PM
Posted by: Sarah | April 29, 2004 8:00 AM
Posted by: Michelle | April 30, 2004 12:17 AM