Sirens scare the hell out of me. I've had so many bad experiences involving ambulances; so now, when I hear them, I start shaking. I think that's pathetic. I never, ever used to be filled with so much fear. Or maybe I was, but I refused to acknowledge it. I don't know which is worse.

I was sitting out on my porch (no, I don't sit in the freezing cold -- it's enclosed, with lots of windows, and it's where I do most of my thinking), and sirens began to wail in the distance. They got closer and louder. I can still hear them as I type this. My hands are shaking and my stomach is doing flip-flops. The funny thing is ... each time I've experienced it first-hand, I never heard them. I guess the trauma of the moment gave me tunnel vision (and hearing) or something, because all I know is suddenly they arrived and I never heard a thing. So I can only deduce that it's not the sirens themselves which frighten me, but what they mean. I can't help but start praying for whomever they are sounding.

(((((Leigh))))))
usually when I hear sirens, it reminds me of my suicide attempts. so i can understand the feeling you get when you hear them. i tense up too. y'know, I think it is SO sweet that you say a prayer for whoever the siren is sounding for...

(((((Leigh)))))

Thoughtfully shared by: Alex at February 11, 2003 12:04 AM

the flippy stomach, the knot in the throat...as unpleasant as they are, these feelings remind me of two realities: i am alive. i care.

a wonderful preacher told me once, "If you ever stand in the pulpit, without fear and trembling, it is time to climb down until you fear again." life is an awesome thing..we do well to remember that.

peace to you.

Thoughtfully shared by: Theo at February 11, 2003 06:39 AM

Oddly, I'm the same way about running footsteps. It scares the hell out of me. But I can't really trace it back to anything specific. It might relate to one event in my life, but I sure don't remember running footsteps...

{{hugs}}

Hang in there. :)

Thoughtfully shared by: GeekGrrl at February 11, 2003 08:16 AM

Sirens can be shrill, scary things... and when we're feeling lost, isolated, fragile, such things seem all the more violent.
I know how difficult that can be... but I also know that part of the price for knowing the awesome "mattering" of things is that sometimes the world is going to terrify you with scenarios which, to many other people, are "business as usual"
Ride these terrors in the knowledge that the real Leigh (who has no reason to fear anything) will always emerge at the other end.

Thoughtfully shared by: John at February 11, 2003 07:43 PM

I really liked what John had to say, so I'll just give a hearty AMEN to that!

Thoughtfully shared by: TMS at February 11, 2003 08:59 PM

with all you've been through and everything you're going through it's only natural you're gonna get the shakes. Don't worry Leigh...this will pass, but the caring,loving, wonderful person you are won't.
((((((hugs))))))

PS How beautiful...roses! :))

Thoughtfully shared by: Debbie at February 12, 2003 03:50 PM