Do You Know?

I've always believed in karma, even before I knew what it was. I've believed for a very long time that the universe unfolds as it is meant to. I have always believed that if you try your best to be your best and do your best, good things will come to you.

But now ... now I cannot seem to reconcile those beliefs with what is my reality. I am stuck inside a recurring nightmare. A vicious cycle of the same turmoil and crisis over and over and over again. There is no off button. There are no doors. There is no way out. Perhaps the only way out is to ride the cycle until it exhausts itself. But my fear .... is that it will be me who is exhausted, not it. It feels so near. And then what? Nothing? Something? I have no idea, and I know no one else who knows, either. There are no answers. There is only ... the cycle .... the neverending cycle. And with each spin I, myself, spin further and further from wholeness ... from control over even myself. There is no magic left to weave .... nor capture .... nor conjure .... nor summon. There is only ... this.

All I can say is .... if this is how the universe is meant to unfold .... then the universe sucks.