I've been thinking about the things I say here. I find that even here I am hesitant to say anything that will "offend"; or say anything which will make me sound like I'm complaining or whining. After all, there are a multitude of people out there who have it worse than I, right? And compared to some of the "real" problems people have, what do I have to bitch about, right? I think I've always minimized my own problems for those very reasons. It's like, "how dare I complain about anything -- I have so many blessings in my life!". But that's probably why I am in the shape I'm in .... because I think that way; and because I resist speaking what I feel. It all stays inside ... festering.

What good is a journal if I can't even be honest in what I say here? Why am I always concerned about what others will think?? Why do I always feel like it's my job to lift others up?? To make them feel better?? To dispense what little insight I have in order to help them see more clearly when I, myself, have blurred vision. So I've made a decision. This will be the place where I write exactly what I am feeling and thinking. Oh, I could write it in a notebook instead of here ... I could keep all those feelings hidden between the covers .... but then what good is it? Whether inside a notebook or inside my mind, it is still hidden. And I need the insights of others ... the wisdom from others ... to help clear my own vision. So I will say it like it is from now on ... here. This is my place to vent ... to think ... to decipher ... to make clear ... all the thoughts and feelings which continuously ravage my mind and spirit.

way to go!!

i'd been thinking about it lately... about telling you that even though you have a journal i have to ask how are you... otherwise i won't know. because you won't say it on here...

so go ahead and blurt it out, it'll be good for ya. see, i participate on the "go fuck yourself" webring *laughs*, you probably have seen the link on my site... the purpose of that is to say "i write what i want, it is my place, if you don't like it, go fuck yourself". you should get one for ya =)

what matters right now and right here, precious, is YOU. You you you. and it has to be.

besides, i'm absolutely sure that more leigh to see is more leigh to love. so shout it out!

ps: you put the collapse comment thingy on here too! =)

Thoughtfully shared by: monica at December 29, 2002 01:25 PM

thought you might find the following quote interesting...
saying NO is not always a negative. When we say NO to tasks that overburden us and take away our peace of mind, it is a positive. In the beginning, saying NO can bring on great anxiety. That's okay! FEEL THE FEAR AND SAY NO ANYWAY! As you break the self-destructive habit of taking on more than you can comfortably handle, your body and mind will breathe a sigh of relief!

something to think about, huh?
It's time to clear your vision, my friend! let it all go!!!! If people don't like it, well...stuff 'em!

Thoughtfully shared by: Debbie at December 29, 2002 08:09 PM

Your thoughts, feelings and insights about self-disclosure are entirely relevant and are wonderfully articulated. The line between private and public is a fine one, but well worth testing. Every communicator must inevitably come to grips with what they feel comfortable with and what they do not. Some of it’s just trial and error; a journey.

I say click your heels together three times and repeat, “there’s no place like authenticity, there's no place like authenticity..."

Where are we going? We are going home…home to ourselves and the people who value and respect us for being authentic. Don’t worry about offending the inauthentic, worry about being real and offending yourself. Remember this is your place, anyone who is too frail for your reality …well, they are free to hit the bricks or the back botton which ever comes first. Bah bye.

Leigh, your instincts are true and good. I would trust them.

Thoughtfully shared by: thatmark at December 29, 2002 08:18 PM

Thank you all so much. You have no idea how much your encouragement and support mean to me!

(((hugs))) to everyone! :)

Thoughtfully shared by: Leigh at December 29, 2002 09:59 PM

always always..be true to yourself hon... those who truly care will support you no matter what...
hugs and all my love

Thoughtfully shared by: your other fav poet at December 30, 2002 01:22 PM