Depleted

I feel the weight of every decision, responsibility, expectation and obligation so acutely these days, and it is squeezing every ounce of life from my pores. Not literally speaking, but ... the essence of who I am. All of the good things. The creative and expressive parts of who I am .... the fun side .... the interesting side; and all that is left is the residue of tears, mixed with anger, resentment and self-pity, leaving in its wake someone I don't like very much. I've never denied the fact that I am a fairly emotionally-needy person, requiring a fair bit of maintenance; but the fact that I realize from where it originates has made it "easier" for me to understand and attempt to keep in check. There are times, though .... when I absolutely require, for my own soul's survival, reassurance, and for some time now, it just isn't there. I have been successful, for the most part, in exercising my self-taught skills in self-assurance, but lately ... it just isn't working. I feel .... defeated .... depleted .... empty. And I don't know how to fill the emptiness.